Time to begin
Although I am sure this post is going to sound nuts, I am going to spill what I am thinking and what I have planned over the coarse of the last two days. Since May I have allowed my emotions to be affected by someone who for all intents and purposes in a nice world should have been there for me, been behind me been supportive, loving and caring, and at one time she was. But then she got to the point where she changed her stance on everything, friendship, relationship, family, and selfishness gave way in the guise of freedom. Freedom has been the reason for her lack of responsibility, her apathy, and what she has done over the past few months. The first month I mourned the loss, the second month I tried my best to adjust to the changes, with halfhearted acceptance thinking if I just pretended nothing that had occurred bothered me, I might be able to believe the part I was acting. Unfortunately that was all it was, an act, and when I was hurt again, this time I decided enough was enough.
My Ex has always had a spending problem a very serious issue over the coarse of our marriage, when I left in April I intended to change that, and inadvertinly I did. Then I was asked to let her go, though she was not forthcoming as the the reasons, I pretty much surmised why and allowed it to happen. Though a part of me didn't want to let go. I had to get knocked down a few times with coldness, and callousness before I could. Unfortunately now I am angry and determined. J Sean knows what has happened when I get angry and determined about something, my focus goes to the issue. As the weeks have passed I have watched various things be shut off at the house, Telephone, internet service, cable, even with her working, me kicking around 600 a month to help her out, with social services helping her out. She is sinking, while for a while I was sinking with her. I would still come to her rescue when she needed help, and in return she spat on me. Now She's made me mad. But I am not like alot of people, as far as being vengeful. But when made angry I turn things around for myself. This will be no exception.
When I moved out I was barely living paycheck to paycheck and still helping her, Until it got to the point where she was having her cake and eating it too. But then she made me mad. Now a plan is underway to take care of myself and my children, using the best of Joel and no one else. Three goals are in the process of being carried out. Every week I get stronger, and still manage to stay a good Dad for the kids and keep them the hell out of what is going on with me and their mother. It is unfortunate that they have been affected. I knew they would be but at the same time, they are about to gain a breath of fresh air. School is about to happen. And I will be there for them. As for my other plans things have been set in motion, that will have me completely independent and responsible for whoever comes along in my life by October. It's already starting to work. I feel pretty good about the choices I have made and the actions I am committing to. Because they are going to make me better than I have ever been. It's really unfortunate that the woman gave up, because She lost the best thing that will probably ever happen in her life, but as Gene Simmons said once talking about the original members of the Band leaving "...Not everyone is always on the same team." Besides when it comes down to it, you reap what you sow. And Karma is a bitch.
My Ex has always had a spending problem a very serious issue over the coarse of our marriage, when I left in April I intended to change that, and inadvertinly I did. Then I was asked to let her go, though she was not forthcoming as the the reasons, I pretty much surmised why and allowed it to happen. Though a part of me didn't want to let go. I had to get knocked down a few times with coldness, and callousness before I could. Unfortunately now I am angry and determined. J Sean knows what has happened when I get angry and determined about something, my focus goes to the issue. As the weeks have passed I have watched various things be shut off at the house, Telephone, internet service, cable, even with her working, me kicking around 600 a month to help her out, with social services helping her out. She is sinking, while for a while I was sinking with her. I would still come to her rescue when she needed help, and in return she spat on me. Now She's made me mad. But I am not like alot of people, as far as being vengeful. But when made angry I turn things around for myself. This will be no exception.
When I moved out I was barely living paycheck to paycheck and still helping her, Until it got to the point where she was having her cake and eating it too. But then she made me mad. Now a plan is underway to take care of myself and my children, using the best of Joel and no one else. Three goals are in the process of being carried out. Every week I get stronger, and still manage to stay a good Dad for the kids and keep them the hell out of what is going on with me and their mother. It is unfortunate that they have been affected. I knew they would be but at the same time, they are about to gain a breath of fresh air. School is about to happen. And I will be there for them. As for my other plans things have been set in motion, that will have me completely independent and responsible for whoever comes along in my life by October. It's already starting to work. I feel pretty good about the choices I have made and the actions I am committing to. Because they are going to make me better than I have ever been. It's really unfortunate that the woman gave up, because She lost the best thing that will probably ever happen in her life, but as Gene Simmons said once talking about the original members of the Band leaving "...Not everyone is always on the same team." Besides when it comes down to it, you reap what you sow. And Karma is a bitch.
posted by Joel at 6:45 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home