day 2
Day 2 wasn't as bad as day one. Of coarse though I had a little trouble to keep from thinking about things I was missing at home. Especially seeing the kids. Ann did call and leave me a voice mail, but that was about jury duty, I opted to not return the phone call. She provided enough imformation that I just gotta stop at the house and pick up the mail. The other day she offered the use of the Van which I am still considering.
In trying to keep up and stay busy I concentrated on band stuff yesterday. It was kinda strange to play yesterday and not have the worries of the house and the things. Though in the back of my mind I am still feeling guilty that I am not around for the kids and in esscence having to leave means Ann's having to handle everything. Well part of that anxiety is for a while She did before, until I straightened my act and began to take care of stuff, but at that time I was doing all the work and she was not doing anything. I had hoped that by doing this finally walking out, and saying what has been happening is not acceptable, is not fair, is not how a marriage is suppose to work, but I also understand the risks involved in taking off and saying look I have been around, my physical presense made a difference.
However it's only been two or three days, I don't think it makes much impact. Although everyone including her were going whoah you actually took a stand and left. And not only did you leave you told her why.
I've given some thought to how long I will be gone, but at the same time I got to be prepared that I might have anger eventually coming from her, especially if pressure begins to build concerning stuff. Again I feel bad, because in dealing with the kids she has to essentially get Becky and Glenn to watch the kids. I would hope they understand, but at the same time they are probably only going to see my last couple of actions. And not take in the full picture of the events of the last year. It's that that actually drives me.
In trying to keep up and stay busy I concentrated on band stuff yesterday. It was kinda strange to play yesterday and not have the worries of the house and the things. Though in the back of my mind I am still feeling guilty that I am not around for the kids and in esscence having to leave means Ann's having to handle everything. Well part of that anxiety is for a while She did before, until I straightened my act and began to take care of stuff, but at that time I was doing all the work and she was not doing anything. I had hoped that by doing this finally walking out, and saying what has been happening is not acceptable, is not fair, is not how a marriage is suppose to work, but I also understand the risks involved in taking off and saying look I have been around, my physical presense made a difference.
However it's only been two or three days, I don't think it makes much impact. Although everyone including her were going whoah you actually took a stand and left. And not only did you leave you told her why.
I've given some thought to how long I will be gone, but at the same time I got to be prepared that I might have anger eventually coming from her, especially if pressure begins to build concerning stuff. Again I feel bad, because in dealing with the kids she has to essentially get Becky and Glenn to watch the kids. I would hope they understand, but at the same time they are probably only going to see my last couple of actions. And not take in the full picture of the events of the last year. It's that that actually drives me.
posted by Joel at 4:38 AM
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