An Interesting Dilemma
Recently a friend of mine posted a question on her wall...and it was
an interesting question, and dilemma once you really took into account
the full picture of what she was asking...I responded to her query
neutrally, not really giving a suggestion of how to handle her
situation...because I didn't honestly know how to answer it.
The nature of the question was how to handle a bully from the past in light of the fact, that we are now adults and have more than a few years are behind us...specifically she asked whether to call this person out on the past transgression. And she was met by the usual adult response of let it go. It's in the past...take the high ground. This is my personal dilemma in trying to give an honest point of view to her question.
I've written pages of past experiences trying to comprehend what has occurred in my life, searching for answers about myself. My wife has chided me about writing these experiences down, wondering who would want to read them. And it must seem a little silly and self destructive. However, I won't know where I am going if I don't know where I've been. What does that mean exactly? I am trying to find the essence of the real me, to honestly express who is Joel Jess Berkey-Lewis? To ignore the past to me is essentially ignoring I have grown, and matured, and these experiences were needed to grow and mature, so I can pass on what I have learned to my children. In writing these experiences I had a lot of challenges specifically in Jr. High School, and my one year of High School. Challenges that my Son Marc faces now, and that my Daughter Branden faces. As well as my younger sons, Dominic and Zachary.
Parents are fooling themselves if they think our kids have it easy in Junior High or High School. My friend Deana, my cousin Lanny, my friend Kimberly Rodriquez would probably agree with that statement. Especially in light of the times we live in now.
Facts- In Junior High I was bullied and picked on. I was shoved walking home from school into a drainage ditch off the corner of Teller and Mississippi Ave. and ended up cold and wet on the way home, more than once. I was purposely tripped while running a relay on the track at O'Connell during gym class, and suffered a large gash in my left leg as well as another cut to my left arm and shoulder. Why? Because I happen to have a crush on a girl and was a friend that this person was "Going out with" at the time. I was shoved into the goal post of the football field and suffered a concussion, because someone thought it would be funny to see. I had tacs placed on my chair in Mr. Thompson's Social Studies class, signs placed on my back while I was kicked in the hall. I was spat on. In ninth grade I was sucker punched in the throat, for trying to stand up for myself. This was at O'Connell. Luckily I had the friendships of people in that school, that made those experiences at the very least tolerable. With friendships and support I was able to endure a lot of crap.
By my second and third year I had learned to make people laugh, and I still continued to endeavor to treat everyone I came in contact with a degree of empathy, respect, and friendship despite what I endured. I would like to say I was always successful, but I wasn't. I was eventually accepted by people who were labeled a stereotype of troublemaker. Stoner. Freak. Bad influence. But there was genuine friendships in that group that allowed me to mature, and grow and those friendships have endured to this very day. I figured it was all behind me when I entered Alameda. Unfortunately I was proved wrong when walking down the hall to go to art I was knocked unconscious from someone's scarf being whipped around my throat and yanking as I was passing them in the hall. It was done in fun. I know the guy didn't mean to hurt me, much less knock me unconscious. It doesn't change the fact that it happened and by then I had reached the point of No More, and left High School shortly after. I was able to forgive the incidents. But Forget. No.
Yes these events are in the past, water under the bridge. But those experiences I wouldn't wish on anyone. I don't like hurting people, either physically or mentally. There's enough Apathy in the world. I also accept the responsibility of knowing I have hurt people in my past and feel remorse for doing so. I do it because it's a part of me, and who I am. Not because it's the adult thing to do, or because it's expected. I hope that enduring what I have, I have passed on those attributes to my children. Not just the strength to endure, but the ability to still treat people with respect...Maybe that's why I am so against bullying and Cyber Bullying.
To my friend- I wrote last night I know how you feel. What I can say is this...honestly express yourself. Be you. You will come up with your answer...and will deal with it with the strength and character that you possess to the best of your ability. And I support your decision one way or the either.
The nature of the question was how to handle a bully from the past in light of the fact, that we are now adults and have more than a few years are behind us...specifically she asked whether to call this person out on the past transgression. And she was met by the usual adult response of let it go. It's in the past...take the high ground. This is my personal dilemma in trying to give an honest point of view to her question.
I've written pages of past experiences trying to comprehend what has occurred in my life, searching for answers about myself. My wife has chided me about writing these experiences down, wondering who would want to read them. And it must seem a little silly and self destructive. However, I won't know where I am going if I don't know where I've been. What does that mean exactly? I am trying to find the essence of the real me, to honestly express who is Joel Jess Berkey-Lewis? To ignore the past to me is essentially ignoring I have grown, and matured, and these experiences were needed to grow and mature, so I can pass on what I have learned to my children. In writing these experiences I had a lot of challenges specifically in Jr. High School, and my one year of High School. Challenges that my Son Marc faces now, and that my Daughter Branden faces. As well as my younger sons, Dominic and Zachary.
Parents are fooling themselves if they think our kids have it easy in Junior High or High School. My friend Deana, my cousin Lanny, my friend Kimberly Rodriquez would probably agree with that statement. Especially in light of the times we live in now.
Facts- In Junior High I was bullied and picked on. I was shoved walking home from school into a drainage ditch off the corner of Teller and Mississippi Ave. and ended up cold and wet on the way home, more than once. I was purposely tripped while running a relay on the track at O'Connell during gym class, and suffered a large gash in my left leg as well as another cut to my left arm and shoulder. Why? Because I happen to have a crush on a girl and was a friend that this person was "Going out with" at the time. I was shoved into the goal post of the football field and suffered a concussion, because someone thought it would be funny to see. I had tacs placed on my chair in Mr. Thompson's Social Studies class, signs placed on my back while I was kicked in the hall. I was spat on. In ninth grade I was sucker punched in the throat, for trying to stand up for myself. This was at O'Connell. Luckily I had the friendships of people in that school, that made those experiences at the very least tolerable. With friendships and support I was able to endure a lot of crap.
By my second and third year I had learned to make people laugh, and I still continued to endeavor to treat everyone I came in contact with a degree of empathy, respect, and friendship despite what I endured. I would like to say I was always successful, but I wasn't. I was eventually accepted by people who were labeled a stereotype of troublemaker. Stoner. Freak. Bad influence. But there was genuine friendships in that group that allowed me to mature, and grow and those friendships have endured to this very day. I figured it was all behind me when I entered Alameda. Unfortunately I was proved wrong when walking down the hall to go to art I was knocked unconscious from someone's scarf being whipped around my throat and yanking as I was passing them in the hall. It was done in fun. I know the guy didn't mean to hurt me, much less knock me unconscious. It doesn't change the fact that it happened and by then I had reached the point of No More, and left High School shortly after. I was able to forgive the incidents. But Forget. No.
Yes these events are in the past, water under the bridge. But those experiences I wouldn't wish on anyone. I don't like hurting people, either physically or mentally. There's enough Apathy in the world. I also accept the responsibility of knowing I have hurt people in my past and feel remorse for doing so. I do it because it's a part of me, and who I am. Not because it's the adult thing to do, or because it's expected. I hope that enduring what I have, I have passed on those attributes to my children. Not just the strength to endure, but the ability to still treat people with respect...Maybe that's why I am so against bullying and Cyber Bullying.
To my friend- I wrote last night I know how you feel. What I can say is this...honestly express yourself. Be you. You will come up with your answer...and will deal with it with the strength and character that you possess to the best of your ability. And I support your decision one way or the either.
posted by Joel at 7:34 AM
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